On marital relationships:
#1
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received on the matter of marriage is to 'start as you mean to go on'. Initially, I underestimated the significance and implications of this, but the understanding did inevitably dawn on me some time later.
Entering into a new relationship, we generally want to be the best we can be, doing as much as we can for the other person, perhaps as a way of expressing our love and affection, or perhaps to put forward our most endearing image. Whatever our motives, it is not uncommon to set really high and often realistic expectations for and of ourselves in those early days, months and in some cases, even years of our relationship.
What we often fail to realise is that what we are creating is a rod for our own backs; by setting these unrealistic and unsustainable expectations, we will inevitably arrive at a point where life becomes too difficult, too strenuous, too demanding. The consequences for the relationship are also concerning- either you will attempt to maintain that unrealistic level of commitment which will give rise to sheer exhaustion and subsequent resentment of your partner, or you can scale down your commitment and suffer the wrath/displeasure/disappointment of your partner. Either way, it can be a challenging road ahead and can really test the fibre of your relationship.
Which is why that advice is so very important. Begin your relationship as yourself. Your ordinary, every day self, warts and all. Do what you are happy to do going forward. Be the person you will be happy to be not just today, but for countless tomorrows as well. And if you are worried that that might not be good enough for your partner, then you really need to question if he/she is the right match for you.
Of course, this advice is in no way meant to undermine the importance of compromise, flexibility and patience (you'll need an abundance of all of these and more), but in terms of your day-to-day commitments, you need to be fair to yourself. And by the very nature of fairness, you will undoubtedly be fair to your partner, which results in a balanced, and God-willing, harmonious overtone to your partnership.
If you're already in the aforementioned pickle, I wish you the very best in unpickling your circumstance!
More to come...
