"I know knew him" -Unknown
Sometimes, I'll go back and read over old diary entries (or old blog posts) and I'll cringe. Could I really have thought that? Did I really write that?! Who is that person? I don't recognise the sentiments articulated nor the mindset that bore them. That's not a confession of schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder (though I'm not ruling them out), but it is a recognition of how rapidly and acutely we humans change. Every single day, we are evolving (or devolving in some unfortunate cases!), so much so, that we eventually, inevitably become completely different people.
I was thinking out loud about this the other day, (as you do when folding washing), and I came to the conclusion that all of us have the tendency to be unfairly and irrationally harsh in the way that we regard the people that we have known in our lives. That girl that used to criticise your appearance in year 9 no longer exists, or at least, the person she was at that point in time no longer exists. The current version of herself may not bear an inkling of resemblance to that horrible person. So by choosing to condemn her to the category of 'bitch' is not only harsh but in all likelihood, unequivocally incorrect.
Same goes for your ex-partner. Gulp. Yes, it is easier to relegate them to the two-dimensional 'dh' basket, with every terrible descriptor you can conjure. Yes, that may have been accurate when you knew them. That may even be an honest representation of your memory of them. But, you cannot use those descriptors now, much as you'd like to. That person is entirely foreign to you, and meeting them would be effectively meeting a whole new person.
That's not to say that people should not be held to account for the things that they said or did in the past, of course they should. That also does not invalidate any residual pain or trauma one may feel as a consequence of those past actions and words. But seeking accountability (whether it comes or not!) should not depend upon a fixed, out-dated perception of the transgressor/s, nor should it necessitate permanent despise.
The point I'm trying to make is that we should avoid rigidity in our opinions of others, that we ought to acknowledge the ever-changing nature of man, and be open to competing perceptions and opinions should they arise. It's actually thoroughly liberating to let go of those ghosts from our past; by accepting their (and our own) transience, and maintaining the space for alternative versions to form.
Sometimes, I'll go back and read over old diary entries (or old blog posts) and I'll cringe. Could I really have thought that? Did I really write that?! Who is that person? I don't recognise the sentiments articulated nor the mindset that bore them. That's not a confession of schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder (though I'm not ruling them out), but it is a recognition of how rapidly and acutely we humans change. Every single day, we are evolving (or devolving in some unfortunate cases!), so much so, that we eventually, inevitably become completely different people.
I was thinking out loud about this the other day, (as you do when folding washing), and I came to the conclusion that all of us have the tendency to be unfairly and irrationally harsh in the way that we regard the people that we have known in our lives. That girl that used to criticise your appearance in year 9 no longer exists, or at least, the person she was at that point in time no longer exists. The current version of herself may not bear an inkling of resemblance to that horrible person. So by choosing to condemn her to the category of 'bitch' is not only harsh but in all likelihood, unequivocally incorrect.
Same goes for your ex-partner. Gulp. Yes, it is easier to relegate them to the two-dimensional 'dh' basket, with every terrible descriptor you can conjure. Yes, that may have been accurate when you knew them. That may even be an honest representation of your memory of them. But, you cannot use those descriptors now, much as you'd like to. That person is entirely foreign to you, and meeting them would be effectively meeting a whole new person.
That's not to say that people should not be held to account for the things that they said or did in the past, of course they should. That also does not invalidate any residual pain or trauma one may feel as a consequence of those past actions and words. But seeking accountability (whether it comes or not!) should not depend upon a fixed, out-dated perception of the transgressor/s, nor should it necessitate permanent despise.
The point I'm trying to make is that we should avoid rigidity in our opinions of others, that we ought to acknowledge the ever-changing nature of man, and be open to competing perceptions and opinions should they arise. It's actually thoroughly liberating to let go of those ghosts from our past; by accepting their (and our own) transience, and maintaining the space for alternative versions to form.
