There's often very little focus on fathers in public conversation. Ever. Well, that's not entirely true- they are put under an excruciatingly bright spotlight when they are doing it wrong or not doing it at all (usually by disgruntled mothers who are having to pick up the slack, and rightly so).
But even parenting books are far more skewed to a female audience than a male one. They start out speaking to the 'parents' but inevitably end up speaking to the primary carer, and statistics alone would evidence that that is predominantly mum. So the poor dads don't get anywhere near enough recognition for the vital roles they play in this whole parenting gig, and it is vital, even if it isn't them choosing to be a SAHD. Whatever its manifestation, it warrants validation and recognition.
So here's a little tribute to you, dads. Because you deserve it.
I acknowledge that a father is the first male role model that a child has. You are the man that boys learn to be boys from and the man that girls learn about boys from. You set the tone for their future relationships - teaching the boys how to be husbands and fathers, and teaching the girls what to expect from husbands and fathers. And that's no small responsibility.
I acknowledge that given the choice, most of you would probably like to play a more hands-on role with your children, to watch them reach their milestone moments, to see their eyes light up when they learn something new. But you don't usually get that choice because society still expects you to be the main provider (or at least an equal provider) and so off to work you go.
You don't always enjoy what you do, but you often grin and bear it because you put your family first. You want to give them everything you had and everything you didn't. You want to ensure that they are afforded every opportunity possible. So you strive, day in, day out, for them.
I acknowledge that you have to be the hero, even when you aren't feeling heroic. Even when you yourself are vulnerable, and in need of love and understanding and protection. You have to be strong, to be 'masculine' (whatever that means!), to be a 'man'.
You grew up in an age where the definition of father was very rigid and unambiguous: the connotations were all based around being the protector, the provider, the rational, unemotional one. And even with all the changes that have happened in the definitions of gender roles in the last 20-30 years, there are still certain societal expectations that lay down parameters for what will be tolerated and what won't. So you put on your armour, hold your chin up and get on with fighting the demons within and without; you will be brave and courageous and an unwavering pillar of strength.
I acknowledge that sometimes, you need to hear some acknowledgement, some praise, for the sacrifices you make, for the effort you put in, for the good and noble intentions that inform your decisions and actions. I know that you are far less noticed as a father than us mothers and that's not always fair.
I acknowledge that your role as father is just as crucial as that of mother.
So I say, on behalf of all mothers and daughters, thank you.
