My house is untidy. It was tidy yesterday, and will be probably be tidy again some time tomorrow.

?

Sometimes we have to accept that we may never have the answers. We may never understand. 

That's okay.

Closure need not come from resolution. It can come from acceptance. It can come from the passage of time. And in cases where its relevant, it can come from forgiveness.

What you can't do is dwell upon things. Yes, reflection is necessary, but it can become counter-productive if you don't move beyond it. I have witnessed otherwise sensible, intelligent people become obsessively analytical to a point where it has permeated and consumed every aspect of their existence, leaving them mentally compromised and emotionally exhausted (and exhausting).  

I speak from experience.

A great man, may God have mercy on his soul.

My paternal grandfather died four years ago this month. His name was Zuheir. He was and still is the greatest man I know.

It was through his example that I saw the true meaning of 'rajul'. There is no real English equivalent to this Arabic word- man with all that word should connote. He was strong but not aggressive, brave but not foolhardy, proud but not arrogant, humble but not passive, protective but not controlling, charitable but always discreet, responsible, smart, generous, kind, funny and very very compassionate.

And he knew how to love. Without limit, agenda or expectation. With his heart and soul and everything in between. His love for my grandmother was the most moving love story of my time. To try and recount the ways in which he demonstrated these qualities would fill books and would surely still fall short of doing him justice. Suffice to say, he has earned my admiration and the adoration of all who knew him tenfold. There are still things we learn of him and from him today.

My grandfather was a noble man. He lived and died that way. Even in his final months when he was plagued with dementia, his eyes were soft and gentle, his hand ever ready to hold and be held.

I am very proud to have been his granddaughter, somehow, however small, a part of him. I do aspire to be more like him every day. I miss him every day.

You will never be forgotten Jeddo. Until we meet again...

Dare to Dream

Last night I felt old. I felt anonymous and inconspicuous and completely underwhelming. I was in the company of some 150 of Sydney's most driven and accomplished Muslim youth representing all of the major local universities. 'Dare to Dream' it was called. A night of celebration and inspiration.

Strive for excellence was the organisers' team line. And it didn't come from a venerated religious elder, or a wise middle-aged mover and shaker. It came from a modest young man barely into his 20's but with the wisdom and foresight to be making a difference not just in his own life but in the lives of many in his community. He conveyed a passionate message, and his sincerity rendered it contagious.

He was not alone. Many people had the opportunity to speak (including me, and I was a babbling idiot. But I digress). In their words I saw wisdom, hope and unparalleled humility.

These were young people from all walks of life who were daring not just to dream but to turn those dreams into their realities. What left me with the greatest sense of elation and hope though was that these were the people that would be the mentors for our children. Young and similar enough to be accessible to them and old and accomplished enough to inspire them into believing that the world is truly their oyster, if they so wish it to be. That being Muslim did not have to be an impediment to their success: that its okay to be proud of who they are and that their contribution matters.

The future is indeed bright... alhamdulilah.

A bit of this and that

Just stopping in to say hi!

I've not had much to share of late. All the recent happenings in my life (and mind) are to a large extent unshareable (is that a word??)... Ironically, its been a very eventful couple of weeks!!!

My visits to the gym are becoming increasingly regular, which actually means I've had more time to think, reflect, analyse, nitpick, deconstruct and reconstruct. Which has its pros and cons (arguably more cons than pros!).
I also try to use that time to remember the Creator, because I would hate to be wasting time and I don't cope well with guilt.

Speaking of guilt, one thought that I did dwell upon for some time was the permissibility (or impermissibility) of music. As I marched to the beat of a foreign song played through my hand-me-down ipod, to the mantra of 'subhanallah walhamdulilah walaillaha illallah', I pondered the question of the permissibility of listening this music- the lyrics were in French and Algerian Arabic- both of which I don't understand- and the music largely synthesised (mostly percussion). So does this make it acceptable, that I am using it to praise God? I don't actually know the answer, but would be interested to find out.

In other news, my eldest son and third born child Danny is turning 11 this week. It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly my children are growing up. He isn't far off my height, and has already surpassed me in strength, hand and shoe size. He is a wonderful human being, with a heart of gold and so much love to give.
He is smart, capable, kind, generous, caring and handsome. And I am very blessed to have been chosen as his mother.

So we will eat cake and I will try not to have flashbacks to his eventful birth!

A hadith about Heart

"Truly, what is lawful is evident, and what is unlawful is evident, and in between the two are matters which are doubtful which many people do not know. He who guards against doubtful things keeps his religion and honour blameless, and he who indulges in doubtful things indulges in fact in unlawful things, just as a shepherd who pastures his flock round a preserve will soon pasture them in it. Beware, every king has a preserve, and the things Allah has declared unlawful are His preserves. Beware, in the body there is a flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt, and behold, it is the heart."

-Al-Bukhari and Muslim

A secret worth knowing

This time last week, I was in Perth, Western Australia.

This time last week, I was driving our rental car towards Secret Harbour, a place my husband had painstakingly attempted to paint a picture of with his beautifully descriptive language, but had ultimately sold short. It was not until I had seen it for myself that the desired, lasting impact was made...

And it wasn't just the endless, untainted, vividly blue coastline before me, or the lulling sound of the waves in the otherwise perfectly serene studio that surrounds... it was the promise of the very real possibility that we could one day wake up to this every morning for the rest of our lives.

Painful blisters.

I've got a cold sore. I only get them when I think too much or fret too much or let myself down in the 'taking care of myself' department.

Perhaps its because I've started going to the gym again, after a decade hiatus, and its so tediously boring that I end up thinking about stuff. Or maybe its because recently I've been in the company of those I can think out loud to (to some degree), initiating a spiral effect of self-inflicted-mind-abuse. Or maybe, its just that time of the month, if there really is such a thing.

Whatever the case may be, my body is responding with 'please stop or I will revolt with the revolting'. So I should perhaps listen.

I'm not helped by friends that phone with thought-provoking inquiries (as much as I do appreciate them!)

A couple of days ago, I received one such call.

A group of my friends were discussing the issue of couples sharing/knowing one another's passwords. Some found this acceptable, others not, and I was asked to weigh in on the discussion, being the married woman that I am. What was my opinion on this?

Well, what IS my opinion? Hmmm...

My answer to my friend was quite brief: it depended on the relationship, and of course, on the purpose of having the password. If it was for the express purpose of spying on your partner, then of course that is unacceptable. At least that's the opinion I now hold. Which I think is a reflection of where I am in terms of my relationship, and more importantly, where I am in terms of my own personal development.

After ending the call, I have been thinking more on this...

It really does boil down to how you see yourself, and how content and satisfied you are in your own skin. If you feel the need to keep your partner under surveillance, for whatever reason, then that speaks volumes not just about your relationship, but about your own perceptions of self. And it is only when you are happy with yourself, and confident in the knowledge that you are worthy of love, that you can let go. You can accept to accept whatever life brings. If it brings a lifetime's marital bliss, then that's wonderful, and if it doesn't, then that's okay too. Spying on your partner will not prevent marital disharmony, it will only ignite it. And if your husband or wife is looking elsewhere or wants something else, spying on them and/or catching them out won't change that.

The things that matter to you
may not matter to me
that doesn't make me less or more
we still share mortality...

On dreams

Vivid dreams linger,
casting a shroud of ethereality-
colouring what we thought we knew.

Part 2- Ustadh Usama Canon

I had heard of Ustadh Usama Canon, even facebook-friended him. But I had not yet had the privilege of hearing him speak. And what a privilege it was. His style of delivery is captivating, engaging, inspiring. His charisma (and there is plenty of it) stems from his unmistakable devotion to and passion for Islam/Muslims/humanity and the breadth of knowledge that he has managed to acquire in just 15 years. Mashallah. Mashallah. Mashallah. Its very hard to adequately convey the ambience that he managed to create within moments... I know its cliche but you really just had to be there.

The italicised writing below is quoted/paraphrased from his talk, as understood by me. It was delivered to an eager audience last night at the In Pursuit of Happiness: Prophetic Guidance Towards Wellbeing workshop. There is a lot missing, because I was too busy taking it all in, too moved to move.

He said...

Realise your uniqueness. But do so with humility. Do not fall into the trap of narcissism. Overcome yourself. God does not consider your appearance. God only considers your heart and your deeds.

Its all About Allah (God). Allah is reality.

Know Allah, take on His attributes to the extent that is humanly possible. Allah is merciful, so you should be merciful. Allah is just so you should be just etc...

Be kind to your children. Dont say hurtful things to them. Do not be too punitive with them. Do not break their hearts.

To break the heart of a believer is greater with Allah than to destroy the Kaaba brick by brick. So be mindful of this.

The same applies with your siblings. Do not call them names, do not be hurtful. It will crush them. It will damage their self-esteem. And they will carry those scars into adulthood.

Watch what you say, even to yourself, because your subconscious is listening and recording.

Dont always think about yourself. Remember God abundantly. Talk about Him all the time.

One of the best ways to combat depression is to serve. Give your time to the service of others. Volunteer. Spend time with your elders.

Consider the company that you keep. It is an undoubtful truth that if you keep the company of questionable people, you will be influenced by them. Similarly, it is an undoubtful truth that if you keep the company of your betters, you will be influenced by them.

We are obsessed with people who are obsessed with themselves. This is not beneficial.

Dedicate yourself to the regular, routine study of Islam. It does not need to be extensive, even if its one lesson per week. Check online for courses.

Benefit from the wisdom of your elders. Spend time with the youth. Be someone's mentor.

Let your tongue be moist with the rememberance of God.

And of the youth, he said...

We need to rethink the Islamic discourse on youth. To do that, we must consider how difficult it is to be a young person in today's society... in reaching our youth, we need to convey the deen in a way that provides clarification. It is all about communication.

The youth inherited this mess. Consequently, they are often forced to enact multiple modalities of cultural expression, which can be very taxing.

Our greatest threat is apathy. It the Í don't care' attitude.

Sadly, many of our youth are suffering from compound ignorance: Being ignorant of their ignorance. We need to help them overcome this ignorance by reaching out the 90% of Muslims who aren't attending the mosques regularly, who aren't attending gatherings like this. Remember, the essence of a human being is in knowledge and piety.

We want to be pious for God. He wants that for us.

and finally, something that will stay with me always...

If you don't believe in God, what do you do with gratitude?

Part 1- Dr Hanan Dover

The italicised writing below is quoted/paraphrased from my insightful sister and friend Dr Hanan Dover, as understood by me. It was delivered to an eager audience last night at the In Pursuit of Happiness: Prophetic Guidance Towards Wellbeing workshop.

As she spoke so eloquently, I craved to share her words with the world. I wanted them recorded and broadcast to Muslim and non-Muslim alike, because they were so valuable, so poignant.

She said...

Know yourself.

The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: 'He who knows himself knows Allah'.

Human beings are born in a state of fitrah- the inherent, innate inclination to goodness. We are innately conditioned to submit to God.
It is our environment that steers us away from this.

The fitrah is one's moral compass.

Every soul has already made a covenant with God, before entering this world. Our souls were conscious and when they were asked about God, they responded with Tawhid.

Consequently, when our souls entered this realm of consciousness, they do so in this state of inherent fitrah.

It is vital, therefore, that we take time to reflect. We need to be self-aware in order to align ourselves with our fitra, to re-orient ourselves with God. We need to invoke and actualise our fitrah potential, not our fitnah potential.

Human beings are dynamic, but fitrah stays the same.

There are three levels of Nafs (soul/self):

- The soul prone to and inciting evil. This is the basest of levels, and one which is guided by the five senses, to one's biology. It commands one to do wrong.

-The self-reproaching soul. This is the second level and is described as the self-blaming self. It has self-awareness; it questions, reflects and is dynamic. This is the level that many of us are in.

-The tranquil soul. The highest level and the one which we must all aspire to. It is a state of satisfaction, contentment, tranquility. It is the attainment of harmony with God. It still requires effort to maintain.

We can all rise above our commanding nafs.

Sadly, rather than aspire to the highest level of nafs, many who are at the self-reproaching soul use it to justify the actions attached to the lowest level. They view shame and guilt as negative, when in actual fact they are positive emotions, motivating one to be good. It is when one feels no shame or guilt that anything goes.

Saying that, this does not mean that we need to have dysfunctional thoughts and live in a state of despair. On the contrary, we must meet hardship and trials with hope. We need to understand that hardship will inevitably befall each and every one of us at different points in time. The four reasons for hardship, as alluded to in the Quran, are to punish us for wrongdoing, to shield us from greater misery, to sift out the evil from within us and to give us an opportunity to earn reward by showing patience.


The way you think will effect the way you feel. Catch your thought- ask yourself if it is realistic/helpful or not. Negative thoughts (waswaas) are whispered from the shaytan (satan). Its aim is to bring you down. The more you entertain them, the more they will spiral out of control. Avoid waswaas; give people the benefit of the doubt.

Waswaas is a corruptor of sincerity, intention, patience, morals, cognition and behaviour.

It is important to remember that emotions come first, so we need to manage our emotions in order to control and manage our actions.

Human beings can only attain the highest level of nafs by being faithful to our nature- re-orient yourself and return back to God.

Timely reminders by those who know.

Blown away by a talk I attended today. Will write about it in detail when I have the time to do it justice, but for now, a couple of pearls of wisdoms that I had the great fortune of benefitting from, courtesy of the esteemed Ustadth Usama Canon...

'Know Allah, take on His attributes to the extent that is humanly possible. Allah is merciful, so you should be merciful...'

and

'Watch what you say- your subconsious is listening and recording...'