Letters in the post are few and far between these days. Well, except for bills, but they are usually very clearly marked and receive no attention for days, sometimes weeks at a time.
But real letters, letters addressed to me, in white inconspicuous envelopes are a rarity. So it was with great enthusiasm that I tore open the envelope to expose its contents. I didn't expect them to be so brazen.
I've had mild (CIN 1) abnormal pap smears for the best part of a decade. The initial blow of being suseptible has come and gone. I know I am only human. I know I have an increased risk of cervical cancer. I have come to terms with it, and for the better part of my days (and nights) I don't even remember it- I'm very good at forgetting things I don't want to remember.
This was somehow different. I'd had a nagging voice for months telling me I was late for my pap test. But nagging voices in my head can't compete with the very real and urgent voices of my every days, my darling children.
God love them. God protect them always. And send each and every one of them on every road they take, a loyal and loving friend.
I love them more than I could ever tell them. I'm not good at telling.
So, as I was saying, if I am being completely honest, the contents of the letter did not come as a surprise. Not really. Though I'd hoped it would have still been 'mild'. I can do without upgrades, thank you very much. I've always had a modest appetite.
February 2nd, I will have a more invasive examination- colposcopy, biopsy etc etc.
Then surgery.
And then that will be that. God-willing.
