Some days, I have much patience. So much so that I even surprise myself, and yes, it is a really satisfying feeling.
Today is not one of those days.
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Everything and nothing
Every day, I have a vast number of thoughts that will occupy my mind long enough to enter its conscious sphere, craving articulation, desiring to mulled over and mused upon. But, every day, before I open my mouth, or put my fingers to the keys of my keyboard, I will censor myself, withhold, get cold feet- rounding them up, fencing them in and laying them to rest in their rightful place, in my head- unvoiced, scolding myself for even entertaining the idea !
I am, after all, far from anonymous. I lost my anonymity the day I had my first child.
In becoming 'mother', more than any other role, I was implicitly accepting to prioritise that role above any other, to be the kind of mother my children could be proud of, the kind that is good, reliable, stable, sensible and always dignified.
So, whilst sometimes I do feel muzzled, even suffocated by my voluntary censorship, I still, occasionally, allow myself momentary freedom in my safe places which I have to say, can be very therapeutic.
But for now, my head is brimming with . ... ..... .. stuff.
Ah, the things we do for our children.
Sunday, 23 May 2010
To all those who yearn for the greener grass...
... the very grass you stand on just needs watered. It has the potential to be as green as you want it to be; feed it, nurture it, maintain it. Be content with it. It is, ultimately, in your hands.
All too often, we idealise what we don't have, and forget to be thankful for what we do have. We want perfection, but it simply does not exist, cannot exist in a human world.
Indeed, there will be those who pantomime the pretence of perfection, but that is all it is- pretence.
Be thankful, count your blessings and enjoy the crisp fragrant grass beneath your own two feet.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Why I wear hijab
Given the recent media coverage of calls to ban the 'burka' and the carte blanche it seemingly has given to every Tom, Dick and Fred to air their misinformed contempt masqueraded as concern/passion for the 'Australian' cultural identity (as defined by the homogenous 'in' crowd bullies on their pedestals, much akin to the school-yard bullies who picked on you because your lunch didn't resemble theirs) , I thought it might actually be fitting for yours truly, an Australian Muslim woman who chooses to don the hijab (the Islamic head covering) to share my reasons for this not-so-welcome choice of attire.
Obviously, it isn't because its the line of least resistance- quite the opposite in fact. In the 16 years I have worn it, my hijab has many a times caused me to be subjected to prejudiced and/or ignorant treatment in a variety of social and professional contexts. It has robbed me of any kind of anonymity, which at times, is challenging to say the least. It has labelled me a whole myriad of undesirable labels- terrorist, fundamentalist, psychopath, oppressed, brainwashed, uneducated, prude and the list goes on.
As a consequence, I am pitied, despised or feared but most commonly I am simply misunderstood. And I am even denied, in many cases, the fundamental right of the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' notion, a right bestowed to any person charged with a crime no less!
But, alas, by choosing to wear a piece of cloth around my head, and favouring modest, concealing attire to the alternative, I am, according to some, complicit in my own oppression, and therefore fair game when it comes to persecution and hate-filled objectification. Very sad, really.
So, why do I choose to wear hijab, in spite of all these trials?
Well, first and foremost, because I whole-heartedly believe that God has decreed it. I believe that it is a commandment from God Himself. And, as a believer in God, I choose to follow His commandments.
That's right, I choose to wear it. It is my choice, and mine alone. As a Muslim, there is no compulsion in religion, and I am free to do from the religion as little or as much as I choose. As such, I choose to wear the hijab. Simple as that.
Why is it that noone questions the Catholic nuns that choose to wear the habit, or the devout Sikhs who wear a turban, or the Orthodox Jewish women who wear the sheitel? Why do those items connote piety and devotion whilst my choice connotes something far from positive?
I guess I will never know. But, let me assure you, my experiences with nuns, Sikhs, and Orthodox Jews have been on the whole far more positive and respectful than many of my experiences with secular 'Ostraayans'. Yes, the irony is quite astounding.
So, just to be clear, one more time for the dummies!
No, I have not been brainwashed.
No, I am not oppressed. Far from it in fact.
No, I do not need to undress to be 'liberated', thanks Senator Bernardi, but I'm feeling quite liberal already!
Peace.
Obviously, it isn't because its the line of least resistance- quite the opposite in fact. In the 16 years I have worn it, my hijab has many a times caused me to be subjected to prejudiced and/or ignorant treatment in a variety of social and professional contexts. It has robbed me of any kind of anonymity, which at times, is challenging to say the least. It has labelled me a whole myriad of undesirable labels- terrorist, fundamentalist, psychopath, oppressed, brainwashed, uneducated, prude and the list goes on.
As a consequence, I am pitied, despised or feared but most commonly I am simply misunderstood. And I am even denied, in many cases, the fundamental right of the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' notion, a right bestowed to any person charged with a crime no less!
But, alas, by choosing to wear a piece of cloth around my head, and favouring modest, concealing attire to the alternative, I am, according to some, complicit in my own oppression, and therefore fair game when it comes to persecution and hate-filled objectification. Very sad, really.
So, why do I choose to wear hijab, in spite of all these trials?
Well, first and foremost, because I whole-heartedly believe that God has decreed it. I believe that it is a commandment from God Himself. And, as a believer in God, I choose to follow His commandments.
That's right, I choose to wear it. It is my choice, and mine alone. As a Muslim, there is no compulsion in religion, and I am free to do from the religion as little or as much as I choose. As such, I choose to wear the hijab. Simple as that.
Why is it that noone questions the Catholic nuns that choose to wear the habit, or the devout Sikhs who wear a turban, or the Orthodox Jewish women who wear the sheitel? Why do those items connote piety and devotion whilst my choice connotes something far from positive?
I guess I will never know. But, let me assure you, my experiences with nuns, Sikhs, and Orthodox Jews have been on the whole far more positive and respectful than many of my experiences with secular 'Ostraayans'. Yes, the irony is quite astounding.
So, just to be clear, one more time for the dummies!
No, I have not been brainwashed.
No, I am not oppressed. Far from it in fact.
No, I do not need to undress to be 'liberated', thanks Senator Bernardi, but I'm feeling quite liberal already!
Peace.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
Doctor, daughter, dreamer.
3,4, 5.
An endless world, distant horizons, everything's so big.
No, it didn't happen...
Doctor, daughter, dreamer.
6,7, 8.
Stumble, trip. Dust off the bruises, everything's right there.
Did it or didn't it?
Artist, yes? No, no no.
9, 10, 11.
Good girl, clever girl- everything's a, linear formula
It did, it doesn't matter!
Doctor, daughter, do-gooder
12,13,14
Formulas should work, everything's possible if she says it is
It did, it shoudn't have.
Dare-devil, orthoptist, woman
15,16,17
Daunting worlds, challenging stereotypes- everything's okay
It didn't hurt, it doesn't hurt.
wife, mother, student
18,19,20
Toxic innocence and naivity- everything lies.
Numbed by the rush.
mother, wife, stranger
21,22,23
Usurped identity, everything has a bottomless hole.
Violated, hollow
stranger, wanderer, way-farer
24,25, 26
The pendulum strikes the mania, everything's relative
Exposed carbon walls
mother, woman, girl
27,28, 29.
Enough self-loathing- life's too short, everything's fleeting
No evergreens here.
human, mortal, transient
30, 31,32
So many distractions, everything's lucid
Everything's okay.
3,4, 5.
An endless world, distant horizons, everything's so big.
No, it didn't happen...
Doctor, daughter, dreamer.
6,7, 8.
Stumble, trip. Dust off the bruises, everything's right there.
Did it or didn't it?
Artist, yes? No, no no.
9, 10, 11.
Good girl, clever girl- everything's a, linear formula
It did, it doesn't matter!
Doctor, daughter, do-gooder
12,13,14
Formulas should work, everything's possible if she says it is
It did, it shoudn't have.
Dare-devil, orthoptist, woman
15,16,17
Daunting worlds, challenging stereotypes- everything's okay
It didn't hurt, it doesn't hurt.
wife, mother, student
18,19,20
Toxic innocence and naivity- everything lies.
Numbed by the rush.
mother, wife, stranger
21,22,23
Usurped identity, everything has a bottomless hole.
Violated, hollow
stranger, wanderer, way-farer
24,25, 26
The pendulum strikes the mania, everything's relative
Exposed carbon walls
mother, woman, girl
27,28, 29.
Enough self-loathing- life's too short, everything's fleeting
No evergreens here.
human, mortal, transient
30, 31,32
So many distractions, everything's lucid
Everything's okay.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Mother's Day Realisations
Happy mother's day to me.
It is true, Islamically speaking, today should be no different to any other day. You see, mother's day in Islam should be every day. There is not a more elevated position than that of mother- as Thomas reminded me some weeks ago, as his mother, Heaven itself is under my foot!
But today, I was patently reminded of just how blessed I am. I know that might sound so cliche, and perhaps it is, but cliches are born from indisputable truths, and the truth of the matter is I am a very lucky woman indeed.
To be the vessel that delivered such incredible people into this world is nothing short of miraculous. Each and every one of them, my children, are special. Each of them adds richness, spirit and beauty to the mosaic that is our world. They are at once my hopes and dreams for what humanity should be and could be. The love, warmth, kindness, compassion and mercy that we all ought to possess. They offer me all of this and more, unconditionally, every day.
So it is only fitting that I pay homage to them, individually, right here.
Wafa, my beautiful daughter, thank you. I am inspired by your strength, humbled by your wisdom, and forever grateful to you for holding my hand through the hardest moments of my life.
Raneem, my beautiful daughter, thank you. I am in awe of your spirit, uplifted by your kindness and forever grateful to you for sharing with me your rainbow-coloured lens with which to behold the world.
Mohamad, my beautiful son, thank you. I am made hopeful by your endless capacity to love, amazed by your boundless ability to forgive, and reassured by the man, the 'rajul' I can see you becoming.
Thomas, my beautiful son, thank you. I am enlivened by your racing mind, heartened by your sensitivity and thankful to you for giving me a second chance.
Eamonn, my beautiful son, thank you. I am overwhelmed by your unconditional affection, entertained by your sharp sense of humour, and comforted by your wilful determination.
Jacob, my beautiful baby, thank you. I am reminded of God's Magnanimity through your very existence, exhilirated by your unquestionable love and made aware of my own humanity by your dependence and fragility.
My dear children, you have changed me, challenged me and moulded me into a better daughter, sister, wife, friend, woman.
Indeed, it is a happy mother's day today as it was all of my yesterdays and, with much anticipation, it will be all of my tomorrows.
With love.
It is true, Islamically speaking, today should be no different to any other day. You see, mother's day in Islam should be every day. There is not a more elevated position than that of mother- as Thomas reminded me some weeks ago, as his mother, Heaven itself is under my foot!
But today, I was patently reminded of just how blessed I am. I know that might sound so cliche, and perhaps it is, but cliches are born from indisputable truths, and the truth of the matter is I am a very lucky woman indeed.
To be the vessel that delivered such incredible people into this world is nothing short of miraculous. Each and every one of them, my children, are special. Each of them adds richness, spirit and beauty to the mosaic that is our world. They are at once my hopes and dreams for what humanity should be and could be. The love, warmth, kindness, compassion and mercy that we all ought to possess. They offer me all of this and more, unconditionally, every day.
So it is only fitting that I pay homage to them, individually, right here.
Wafa, my beautiful daughter, thank you. I am inspired by your strength, humbled by your wisdom, and forever grateful to you for holding my hand through the hardest moments of my life.
Raneem, my beautiful daughter, thank you. I am in awe of your spirit, uplifted by your kindness and forever grateful to you for sharing with me your rainbow-coloured lens with which to behold the world.
Mohamad, my beautiful son, thank you. I am made hopeful by your endless capacity to love, amazed by your boundless ability to forgive, and reassured by the man, the 'rajul' I can see you becoming.
Thomas, my beautiful son, thank you. I am enlivened by your racing mind, heartened by your sensitivity and thankful to you for giving me a second chance.
Eamonn, my beautiful son, thank you. I am overwhelmed by your unconditional affection, entertained by your sharp sense of humour, and comforted by your wilful determination.
Jacob, my beautiful baby, thank you. I am reminded of God's Magnanimity through your very existence, exhilirated by your unquestionable love and made aware of my own humanity by your dependence and fragility.
My dear children, you have changed me, challenged me and moulded me into a better daughter, sister, wife, friend, woman.
Indeed, it is a happy mother's day today as it was all of my yesterdays and, with much anticipation, it will be all of my tomorrows.
With love.
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