A year ago today...

...my baby was due. The baby that I never got to meet. The baby that grew inside me for such a brief time, yet whose presence filled a void I had not noticed forming, and re-awakened a longing for life that had long been subdued.

A baby who departed at only 12 weeks gestation in the early days of August 2008.

A baby who, I pray, I may meet in the hereafter.

You are remembered, little one... I will love you forever.

'Verily, with hardship there is relief'... (Quran, 94:6)

And then we were blessed with Jacob. 6 months later, we learnt of his existence, and almost a year to the day from our angel's passing, we welcomed him into our lives, alhamdulilah. I thank God everyday for the blessing that he is.

The pain of loss carves wounds that only love can mend. In its place reside the scars, to remind us.

This post is in memory of you, little one.

x

Love thy neighbour

This morning, I received an unexpected knock at the door. It was our neighbour's sister.

'Good morning', she said. 'We have two wardrobes next door, and we were wondering if you'd like them'.

'Um, thank you. I will send my husband over shortly...*awkward pause*...how is everything going?', I mouth, meaning something far more specific.

She understands, and does not hesitate.

'She passed away on the 4th of January'.

And with that, a life ends, rendered inaccessible, having moved outside the confines of real space and time.

A knot of guilt, shame and regret rises from the pit of my stomach into my throat. But it is useless now.

I never even met her. But for a handful of token neighbourly gestures- a calling card, and a few plates of food, she remained a stranger despite her living not quite 20 metres away.

Shame on me.

Rewind about 6 weeks. We were having a barbeque in our backyard and I'd sent my husband over with a plate for our neighbour. It so happened that our neighbour's sister was visiting at the time. She invited him in, and for the first time since we'd moved here, more than two years earlier, they had a friendly neighbourly chat. It was then we learnt that our neighbour was immobile and terminally ill. She had end-stage lung cancer. Death was imminent.

But, alas, we live in a society in which death is taboo. We do not talk about death, we are discouraged to think about it. And we certainly don't begin a relationship, even a neighbourly one, when death is at the door.

The Prophet Muhammad, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said, 'the best of you is he who is best to his neighbour'.

My religion taught me better, but I failed in my duty towards my neighbour.

Her name was Mary, and she had been a nurse for over 50 years.

...verily we belong to God, and to God we return.